Seriously? (or how the LAPD fucked up my Rapture)

So…I didn’t make the rapture.  Not that this is a surprise, me not being a Xian and all…

So now it’s back to life, or post life, or zombie life, or whatevs.

All I want to know is how to clear this goddamned fix-it ticket!

Backstory–tail light out.  LAPD with NOTHING to do pulls me over to be smarmy and give me a ticket.  HE actually confesses to me that that was their assignment for the day–to find people with broken shit on their cars and give ’em tickets.  Ok–he didn’ say shit–but i bet the dude that was hovering in my blind spot ready to pull his glock if i so much as reached into my glove box or purse said it.

Anywhores,   shit happens and i dont’ get it fixed until yesterday (figured i should get it done before the rapture, just in case) and then go over to the North Hollywood LAPD station to get it looked at and cleared.

Except LAPD doesn’t clear the ticket.  THey can hand ’em out easy enough, but GOD FORBID they should make it easy to follow through.

So the cop behind the desk, let’s call him officer not-at-all helpful, tells me they don’t do that, and that i have to go to some other place, that he thinks is closed, or a sheriff’s station.  OK, i ask him in my thinnest smile, WHERE might the nearest station be?

Shuffles around some papers, looks at the computer screen, runs a finger down a list on the wall…DOES HE NOT KNOW?

Finally he gives me some mystery addy in Universal City, and as I am feeling a strong urge to commit homicide–and thinking the police station might not be the best place for that–I take off and look it up on my new smart phone.

(Yay smart phones!)

only to find a Los Angeles Sheriff’s webpage whose links are not valid–i.e. I click on the Universal City substation only to get the page for the West Hollywood station.

(Fuck smart phones!)

So, since it’s on the way home, I decide to drive up to “Universal City” (otherwise known as where tourists go to get burned) and see if the sheriff station is labeled, visible, or obvious.

Now, I’ll have it mentioned that i did not plow into ONE overweight tourist in stupid clothes and a fanny pack on an already enormous fanny.  I showed some fucking restraint!  Remarkable, since the mystery substation was nowhere to be found.  Part of me assumes its in Citywalk, which means they couldn’t check the car ANYWAY, so Officer Not-Helpful can go SUCK IT.

So, i have three days left until LAPD puts out a warrant for my arrest and charges me MORE MONEY to get this thing taken care of.  So if you don’t hear from me in a few days, just send me a cake with a file and a carton of Marlboros.

Categories: Uncategorized | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Seriously? (or how the LAPD fucked up my Rapture)

  1. Wow. The budget is in really bad shape to be givin’ out effing fix-it tickets! Maybe this is just part of the purgatory for those of us left behind… 😉 (I mean -c’mon – you know the LAPD was not going up!)

  2. Was Charlie Sheen out of town on the day you got the ticket? I’m guessing yes. Otherwise the LAPD would have had their hands full with other things.

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