Dear Santa: What *I* Want for Xmas

This is actually my list from last year–but rereading it, i found most of it still applies.  Except for the airplane ride and being gluten free. We are staying home this year, and indulging in every form of gluten imaginable.  ok, not EVERY form, but lord knows this xmas i get to stay in my pjs all day if i want  to, and don’t have to stand in ANY line where i’m gonna get felt up–unless i WANT to…


Our house can be nuts this time of year–and I’m not just referring to the bowls on the coffee table. This is that time of year when the Hannukiah gets lit(that’s the menorah, y’all), Yule logs are placed on the fire, and Christmas trees are decorated. For our house, all three are important. I celebrate Hannukah and Yule, and my husband celebrates Xmas. It can get a little hectic, what with all the presents and various flames, and I always feel a little harried this time of year. And since my old man works in the “industry”(that’s high-falutin LA talk for the tv/film industry) we always end up with a week off at the end of the year when the studios shut down–which is then declared vacay time by the same old man. so not only am I lighting fires, preparing sufganiyot, hanging tinsel, and wrapping presents, I’m also making lists and packing suitcases.
But if that weren’t enough, little man’s birthday is on the 22nd.

For the love of…

so since this is such a stressful time of year, here’s my list. I wish for…

1. Everyone to stop beating each other up over what holiday is celebrated. Just have some eggnog spiked with brandy and chill the f— out.
2. For my kid to get to celebrate his birthday at school, just once in his life. Everyone should get the opportunity to waste the last half hour of school with cupcakes and flavored sugar water.
3. For people to stop asking me the question–“so what exactly IS Hannukah?” Google it for chrissakes.
4. the diabetic coma that is Christmas baking to calm down. Yes. You make a tasty macaroon. Wow. That’s a nice fudge. Yummy, is that cinnamon? Could someone pass me an insulin shot?
5. for someone to find every copy of “Grandma Got Runover By A Reindeer” and destroy them all. It’s more vital to destroy this song than the polio virus. IT. MUST. BE. STOPPED!
6. For stores this time of year to be a little less….”very.” I mean, must every aisle be packed with your surplus? And by surplus, I mean cheap DVD players, Chocolate gift sets, and Shake weights. NO ONE is gonna buy that crap, are they?
7. For people to take it easy on retail folk and delivery people. This time of year SU-HUCKS for them. So if they’re tired and a little snippy, just say thank you and move on. Do not use this as a moment for moral teaching.

Yeah, I’ve got an Autism list too–but it’s not a very sexy list. Yeah, I wish the potty training fairy would come and flip the switch in Ben’s brain to make him figure it out. I wish his speech would clear up a little so that others wouldn’t get so frustrated–frustrating him in turn–when trying to understand him. I wish he’d eat something other than noodles, rice and chicken nuggets. And I wish strangers wouldn’t look at me like I’ve got two heads and a baboon on my shoulder when they ask Ben questions and he doesn’t answer them. (or better yet says” NO!”)

But as my mother often said to me in my youth, “If wishes were horses, beggers would ride.” She often spoke to me in old English rhyme…

But I only have one xmas wish, really. I want Ben to have a good time. Last year, he began to understand the concept of “presents”–and this year, he’s put together waiting. (he would wake up from his nap to find a newly wrapped hannukah present by the menorah, but had to wait until daddy got home to open it) I know the next days will be filled with too much stimulation, people he doesn’t know, excitement, crankiness, possible deviations from his diet, airplane travel (and the inevitable TSA pat-down) and possibly snow. My only wish is that he gain a little bit of knowledge and have time to play and be merry. I’ll worry about the GF bread and airplane bottles of liquor.

I hope everyone here has a fantastic holiday(s). And if not, I hope you have a full liquor cabinet. And a lock on the bathroom door. And return tickets.

Happy Holidays!

Categories: Uncategorized | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Dear Santa: What *I* Want for Xmas

  1. wait. . . that didn’t rhyme.

    If wishes were fishes we’d all grab a boat.

    Also, chicken nuggets are god’s mercy on parents of autistic children.

    Enjoy your gluten!

  2. Ack – those darn holiday birthdays.
    I ALWAYS had my birthday on exams. Fun times. No cupcakes. Boooo.

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