Expressing Your Opinion: "The Right Way"


(imagine Mrs Krabopple doing that, and you’ll have my laughy bark in your head)

Now, before you jump all over my shit about the title–read the post.  You’ll get it.

So, while trolling about on FB, I came across a blog post  expressing an opinion about a particular parenting method.  I’m not gonna discuss it here–because frankly I thought the argument was kinda stupid–but I do want to discuss the title.  It was:

“[parenting method] done the right way”

 And I thought–really?  judge much?  and then went on my way to look at kitten pictures and rage comics, because I’ve learned that a) most of that shit really doesn’t apply to me b) half of these eejits don’t really know what they are talking about having read a singular article or whatnot.  if the topic interests me, I might gander, but generally I’ve learned to just stay away.

Anyway, I refresh my FB page only to find same said page making a comment about people getting upset, and she didn’t know why.

And again, I thought, really?

So (foolishly) I stepped into the argument (which wasn’t an argument at this point but more of a “don’t listen to those people, they just feel guilty because they are guilty” kind of thread) and I brought up–delicately I might point out–that the wording of the title might be offputting to some.

Obviously my flaw here was not saying “hey, idiot, maybe people wouldn’t be so upset if you weren’t judging them, you stupid whore”

You see why I chose my first method…

A few minutes later I was greeted with the response

I chose the title because it IS the right method. (paraphrase)

At which point, instead of engaging in a pointless argument based on emotion and irrational discourse, I unliked the page and unsubscribed from her blog. (and for those of you thinking this is extreme, I’ve been thinking about the unsubscribe for a while…)

Now this isn’t just an issue of parenting opinion.  This concept, this idea of the “the right way” pervades our very existence.  Politics, spirituality, diet, lawn maintenance–there is always some asshat with a back pocket of scientific facts and statistics and names of very important people who claim they know the right way, and will sit tall in the saddle of their very high horse and pontificate and dictate and judge–OH HOW THEY JUDGE.

Which always takes me back to my usual response of “hmm, that’s interesting.  I will have to think about that” OR, “well, that is one method.  We choose a different one” OR “GET OFF MY PORCH DOORKNOCKER!!”

I believe I’ve discussed that here and here.

So then, as I pondered about how I would write this post, I began to think–is there REALLY a right way for ANYTHING?

And as I began to think about it, I began to doubt.


To remove a pan from a hot oven, one must use oven mitts.

–WRONG–I know a dude whose mom can pull a pan out of the oven with her BARE HAND

In this country, we drive down the right side of the street.

–UNLESS there is an asshat in the parking lot who doesn’t pulled out of their parking spot all wonky and has to drive on the left side, forcing you to do the same

Surviving a Tornado requires a basement

–WRONG.  ask anyone who grew up in Tornado Alley.  A mattress and bathtub will serve in a pinch, and even people in basements have died in tornados.

There is no “right way” to make bread, start a fire, ride a unicycle, take a picture, paint a masterpiece, elect a president or raise a child.  In fact, there also isn’t a right way to express your opinion.  Not a single damn person reading this has to agree or like what I have to say. Not a one of them have to strike the words “right way” from their vocabulary, because I am not the arbiter of universal rules.  But, while there is no “right way” of doing it, there is a polite way of doing it.  It’s called respecting how others live their lives, and not placing judgement on their choices.  Ain’t nobody sayin you gotta do it this way–just don’t act all surprised when people get up in your face about it, is all. Respect begets respect, and I suggest checking the make-up of your own house before you start throwing rocks.


Categories: Uncategorized | 9 Comments

Post navigation

9 thoughts on “Expressing Your Opinion: "The Right Way"

  1. Mom


  2. Preach!

  3. blogginglily

    It’s okay to disagree. . . we just have to learn how to do it more agreeably.

  4. So there!!!

    I couldn’t agree more, no need to put people on the defensive right up front in the damn title, right?

  5. Amen! I love people with strong opinions. I never have to wonder what they’re thinking. That’s a compliment, by the way.
    I always try to be considerate of the feelings of others. I tell my story in my blog and in my books. I don’t say, “This is the right way and the only way.” I simply say, “This is what has worked for us. This has been our experience.”

  6. perhaps I’m looking at this in too macro of a perspective, but I see this as a manifestation of a kind of cultural relativism that I simply do not support. while I always try and understand where someone else is coming from, how what they do supports a function in their lives or society, I simply cannot support certain activities as being acceptable. Female genital mutilation is wrong. Ethnic cleansing is wrong. Oppression of the weak is wrong. The list of historical, cultural, and individual actions goes on, but I hope I’ve illustrated my point and not missed your point by now, so I’ll stop here. Feedback is welcome.

    • wow–this is a bit of a slippery slope, don’t you think? I mean, i could be discussing spanking, and youve brought it all the way to the kind of torture allegedly practiced byt he CIA. I am in no way defending the horrible situations you describe. Were someone to title their piece “Bullying: Done the right way”–there is no way on earth i would support that. It is an extreme example that completely demolishes the idea here that we have free will and can exercise it.

      if we cannot express our freedoms and make our own decisions, then what are we left with? having free will does NOT, IMHO, allow for atrocities. But limiting free will does. If i suddenly have to be told by a majority of mommies HOW to practice babywearing (which is what the original content of this argument was) then i am not being allowed to parent, am i? If i am being told how to vote, then i am not free member of society. And if I am told how and when to worship by others, then my communion with G-d isn’t really genuine, is it?

      And if i am not allowed to make these decisions on my own, then WHOM, pray tell, gets to make those decisions for me?

      The issues here i am discussing are not great moral conundrums. Perhaps this IS a manifestation of cultural relativism. But how i make a casserole and how i choose to raise my child is no one else’s concern unless that method is PROVEN to be abusive–an argument i’ve made again and again. And i stand by that. My stance on babywearing is HARDLY a slippery slope toward genital mutilation…

      • I figured you were talking about something that is not as prone to conundrum as the issue I brought up. And I know that I’m stepping into something here that is on a topic which, on its specific detail I know very little and I can tell is very important to you. That is why I suggested that perhaps I was looking at this in too macro of a perspective. However, at the same time, I thought that perhaps you were leading toward a macro generalization by bringing up something such thing as presidential elections or religion. Perhaps I’m singling out something here that isn’t intended, but I see a major difference between methodology and ideology when it comes to these discussions. Certainly it is trickier to discuss who is the ‘right’ president, what is the ‘right’ religion,’ etc. but to say that there isn’t a right or wrong way to elect a president, that it isn’t possible to have misconceptions about religion and its practice seems problematic to me. I’m having a hard time pinpointing exactly where the ‘rub’ is here, but while I totally respect that you were talking about something that is indeed very personal, it does, as your own list alludes, slide into much larger topics. At any rate, for what its worth, I fully trust that you are an awesome mom.

      • i get where that allusion can be made. Certainly my word choice of “elect a president” wasn’t the best. Choose would have been a better word choice (so to speak) And what i said certainly CAN be applied to grader schemes–but i still own to the idea that my choices, being either parenting techniques or choosing a presidential candidate are MY choices, and i am fearful of one who would come and tell me my choice is not the correct one based simply on their own limited knowledge or emotional outlook. [which is the MAIN reason i refuse to watch Fox News]

        And thanks for the compliment. I had great role models, including my own mother, and yours. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: