Mean Girl

So, I had this whole other thing  planned, via Mama Kat’s blog topic of someone saying something mean to you and not forgetting it.  I still haven’t forgotten it–but this morning I became aware of an attack by a particular mean girl, and I need to address it.



Since I don’t follow her nonsense I didn’t know she was the Key Note speaker at the Autism One conference earlier this year.  And since I don’t really care what a playboy bunny/MTV talking monkey has to say, I wasn’t aware of the contents of her speech.  Until now.  The video is here (she makes her lovely remarks around the 7 minute mark) and here is a delightful little quote:

“They didn’t get attention in their lives and then this incredible door opens…and they’re loving it”

You know who she’s talking about there?  Me.  And other moms like me who do not use quackery and other forms of alternative medicine that are questionable and dangerous.  Somehow, because I choose to not use chelation or biomeds or bleach enemas, I am adopting a “victim” role instead of being dubbed a “warrior mom.”

{aside–I am not attacking all forms of alternative meds here–I am a proponent of acupuncture, ayurvedic diets and other forms of eastern medicine that has proven to help people without poisoning them.}

Anyway, back to the whore, I mean, warrior mother extraordinaire.

She is making a comment here about seeking attention.  She of “oh Jim Carrey doesn’t talk to my kid and I’m gonna pose naked in a magazine”–yeah, she isn’t an attention-seeking victim AT ALL.  [please note sarcasm]

I am medically cautious.  I like to use natural remedies and generally let nature do the work it needs to do.  That doesn’t mean I am averse to a little neosporin or advil from time to time, but generally, I don’t take pills.  Personally, I think we rely too much on meds in this country and don’t focus on true problems for things like chronic illnesses.  That said, thank Goddess for penicillin and the smallpox vaccine.

But that’s not what I want to talk about–because frankly my stance on medical choices aint nobody’s binnis.

No, what I want to address is the outright INSULT given my one Ms. McCarthy to any mom who does not adopt her stance.  Ms McCarthy–WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GET OFF?

I am not a victim.  Nor am I a survivor.  I am a mother.  Doing the best damn job I can to make sure my son has all the opportunities available to him that he deserves. My life isn’t much different from any other mom in that regard.  Oh–there is some different vocabulary and some extra appointments and hoops to jump through, but me bitching about that isn’t any different than a mom of a typical child bitching about soccer practice and piano lessons.  This hardly makes me a “woe is me” mom–as you pointed out in your book that put you on the Autism stage.

This isn’t high school, Ms McCarthy, although your style of dress and sad attempts at attention-seeking make me think you wish it were.  There is not a “with us or against us” mentality here. My choices involving MY son are MINE–not yours, and not some quack who has scared the entire world with his claims, which has lead to a rise in childhood diseases like measles and whooping cough, which can KILL CHILDREN.  Autism doesn’t kill, turns out.

You wanna know why there isn’t enough research into causes and treatments? BECAUSE OF NONSENSE LIKE YOURS.  People outside the autism community look at us and think we’re a bunch of kooks who can’t agree on a goddamn thing because of the divisiveness YOU have created.  Because of your fear-mongering.  Because of your stupid accusations.

Hell, there are people outside our community who think we FAKE IT, just to get our kids services.  Who takes us seriously, Ms McCarthy?  WHO?  Because of Mean Girls like you, I am almost afraid to mention my kid has autism, because more often than not it is met with either an eye-roll or a pitying glance.

My son’s Autism was NOT the end of my world, and NOT the end of his.  I make choices to not bombard his body with chemicals because I LOVE HIM and NOT because I want to be a victim.  And somehow, I don’’t accuse you of not loving your child because you make those choices.  See how that works?  I parent my way, you parent yours.  This is called MATURITY.

What I will accuse you of, however is a petty attempt at bringing the spotlight to your otherwise useless career and personal life, LIKE A TEENAGER WOULD, instead of simply being a grown-up and living your life.  No one, other than TEENS care about your stupid comments about Jim Carrey or your next spread in playboy.

We are ALL warriors, Ms McCarthy.  Any parent of ANY child, typical or special needs, who loses sleep over what to do to help their child, who sacrifice personal happiness to secure the happiness of their child, who pinch every penny and make homemade lunches, and play transformers when they’re dog tired, and sit up all night with fevers and the pukes, and sit by hospital beds praying, and strive to give them every opportunity and experience they can squeeze into a 24 hours day–THEY are warriors.  And you have no right, NO RIGHT to belittle their experience or accuse them of anything otherwise.    YOU are not the expert here, despite your attempts to prove otherwise.  And YOU are NOT the voice of thousands of mothers who work and live with their children’s diagnosis.

The only victim I see here is YOU,  because it is someone with a victim mentality that lashes out and bullies others.  So again–fuck you Ms Mcarthy.  You do NOT speak for me.

Because in real life, in grown-up life, the mean girls don’t win.

Mama’s Losin’ It

[update–i crossed off some stuff  from an earlier paragraph, because it was pointed out to me that it came across that i was discrediting those parents who DO choose to use biomeds or chelation.  That was not my wish–i wished to discredit the judgy-mcjudgersons of that world that look down on those of us who don’t.  Please understand–what you choose for your child is your choice–as long as it is SAFE.  I will NEVER condone the use of MMS or anything bleach or poison-related on a child. ]

Categories: Autism, Mama Kat's writing workshop, parenting | 34 Comments

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34 thoughts on “Mean Girl

  1. Thank goodness someone has some sense! (That would be you, not the mean girl!)

  2. Jenny McCarthy is very foolish to me. To blame Jim Carrey for not seeing her son is inexcusable, when she is his biological mother. It needs to be her who puts her son’s needs first. She should’ve thought about how her son was going to be affected before ending her relationship with Jim Carrey. And is it coincidence that she has a new show coming out soon? I don’t think so. Jenny McCarthy is a phoney and I will not watch her new show.

    • you know, i used to teach teenagers. Her actions aren’t much different. phoney is a GREAT descriptor of her. And her boobs.

  3. Do you find that whenever someone learns of your son’s diagnosis for the first time, all they want to do is talk to you about Jenny McCarthy? This has happened to me so many times, and it drives me completely insane. . .and then I’m put in the position of trying to explain WHY I don’t like Jenny McCarthy. Like I have 2 hours to talk to strangers about it, trying to undo all the damage she’s done. Gah.

    You’re right, she is mean. Among other things.

    • that’s actually one of the MYRIAD reasons i dislike her so. Although it DOES let me know which mommy friends to make, you know?

  4. Wow. Seriously?

    Fucking bitch.

  5. I know darlin. i heart you

  6. AMEN. Awesome post, thank you

  7. There really needs to be a concerted effort among those of us autism parents on this side of the fence (the non-quackery side) to be in attendance every time she speaks at an autism conference, so that there’s at least one person to stand up and shout “SHOW US YOUR TITS!!!” Because really, I find more value in looking at her hooters than actually hearing the words that come out of her mouth, and I don’t even play on the all girls team.

  8. It was very thoughtless to be so dismissive of like you said, a whole sea of “warrior moms” who are all making the best choices for their family just because they are not your choices.

    • I’m sorry South–i’m unclear. is that aimed at me or Her?

      • It might be aimed at you Dawn. I fully agree with your comments about Jenny McCarthy, and you make many valid arguments, but your blog discredits and insults parents like me who HAVE tried to improve their children’s lives using chelators and DO WONDER if their child’s early exposure to thimerosal and reaction to penicillin may have tripped one of his switches. I’m wondering if you realize that?

      • I in no way want to come across as discrediting parents who make ANY choice for their children if they think it helps. What i wish to discredit are those who make those choices and look down upon those of us who choose NOT to. I thought i was clear on that, but i can understand if i was misunderstood. My point is–we are ALL warriors–not just those who follow a particular guideline

        My term of “quackery” refers to the very dangerous procedures like using bleach enemas, or “dolphin therapy” which has no serious results. I realize it looks like i’m doggin’ biomeds. that was not my intention. I think you can understand that my emotions were a “tad” high at the time of writing…

      • Understood. Thanks, Dawn.

  9. Sullivan

    Well said. This isn’t a new idea by Jenny McCarthy. She’s been on about the “woe is me moms” since her first book. But this talk is really annoying.

  10. Jenny McCarthy is an idiot who has bought into her own hype. Doesn’t mean she needs to bully others to get her point across. If she actually has a point–you never know with that one.

    You are awesome!

  11. LOVE this post. HATE Jenny McCarthy. She and her boobs are so annoying.

  12. Reblogged this on seventhvoice and commented:
    For those of you who don’t understand why so many of us Autism Mum’s are offended by the words of Jenny McCarthy…. here’s a blog from another Autism Mum who expresses her sentiments oh so well….

  13. I don’t know. Knowing that she is a tad ditzy to begin with, it’s far from the worst thing I’ve heard. My husband was told today that he “was a narcissist who was making up his son’s diagnosis” for saying our son has autism. My hubby was saying that he thought having a noise-controlled section at Citifield would be great because then he could take our son to ballgames.

    And the funny thing is, the older out son gets, the more apparent it is that he’s different. No one who actually knows him would dare say that our son has a made-up diagnosis, but there’s just a lot of judgement out there. I can only imagine how horrible the judgement must have been forty years ago with all of those outdated “refrigerator mother” theories…

  14. I watched about half of her speech, before I couldn’t stand the sound of her voice anymore. I hate people who act like they have all the answers.
    That whole gluten-free diet gets on my nerves. It is easy for people to suggest, but they don’t live our lives.
    My son has Asperger’s Autism. As you probably know, this condition causes him to eat only about 5 or 6 things. They all have gluten in them. If we went gluten-free, what would he eat? Am I supposed to starve the child?
    Vitamins are a good idea. One problem, though. I cannot get vitamins into my son. The texture of a chewable vitamin makes him throw up. If I crush it up and try to dissolve it into his drink, he notices it. He notices ANY change.
    Some of her theories are way out there, to say the least. How DARE she pass judgment on anyone? We are all fighting the same fight, doing the best that we can do. We should be united in this, not thinking that we are better than someone else.

    • Will he tolerate gummy chews or if you can find it a liquid vitamin.

      • I tried gummy chews, but they seem to activate his gag reflex. This being the case, he won’t even put them into his mouth anymore.
        I requested liquid vitamins, but they said that they are only for babies. At this stage, he would probably notice the taste if I put them into his drinks, anyway. He doesn’t miss a thing. I tried putting an antibiotic he didn’t like (and which actually tasted so bad and was so gritty that it made him throw up) into his drink. He noticed and the whole process started again.
        He can only take certain medicines, because of the texture. I can’t give him liquid children’s Tylenol, because it is so thick that he gags. I have to give him Motrin, and then it has to be in tiny amounts, usually put into the corner of his cheek, so that it doesn’t hit his tongue right away.

  15. Dawn, Though it may seem obvious, I love that you said “autism doesn’t kill”. I also like how you reflect something a Mom I know said that basically having autism isn’t a tragedy. I do not mean to belittle the difficulties many children with autism and their families face. I just like hearing that autism does not necessarily equal tragedy. Thank you. Sheila

  16. Amanda

    Thank you Thank you THANK YOU for saying what I was thinking and feeling the whole time I watched this abomination run her jaws. Whole time I thought what a hypocritical bitch you run to the media about your break up with Jim Carrey then get naked for playboy all at the same time your new “book” is coming out.

  17. Extremely well said!!! Great post! —George

  18. Pingback: Thirteen Things Thursday: 13 Reasons Why Jenny McCarthy is Right About Me Being a Victim Mom | that cynking feeling

  19. Sis

    Jenny McCarthy bullied doctors into giving her child the diagnosis because it was trendy and her career was faltering. She did it for attention and it saved her talentless career. She wouldn’t know true autism if it bit her on the ass.

  20. Ashley

    I had remarkable success from chelation therapy.

    • that’s awesome. I was not attacking chelation or biomed therapy. if you’ve had success, great.

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