So, I’ve had a hell of a morning.

Today was Kindergarten Orientation–of which I was made aware a few weeks ago by this lovely flyer sent home…

Now, yeah, I looked on this with trepidation.  A loud auditorium full of kids and fluorescent lights and sing-songy voices, etc.  But I also thought–HEY! INCLUSION!  that’s AWESOME!  Right?  And maybe they’ll be on it enough to make sure Benji’s class is called first,  etc etc.  With as much anxiety as I had about the situation, I tried to remain positive about it.  Other than too much stimulation, what could go wrong?


Subconscious:  oh, you poor, poor naive little twit.


So, yeah.  We weren’t supposed to even BE at that orientation.  Benji’s class was supposed to just simply start today–like a normal day.


So, we spent an hour (AN HOUR) listening to the inanity of a meeting that wasn’t even a good idea for neurotypical kids, let alone my stimmy one.  We had to sit on the floor, there were flickering fluorescent lights that was putting him into a spin, he hated the clapping, the shouting, the “woo-hoo”-ing–ALL OF IT.  There was stimming (which I don’t mind) and staring (which I do)

They mentioned there was going to be picture taking!  By a famous Rock-n-roll photographer!  All you have to do is wait in this stupid heat!  But please make sure you do!  the kids will be making memory books!  YAY!

(oh, this really can’t go well.  really.  NO. REALLY)

And as they were calling the classes, I am noting that Ben’s teacher STILL isn’t in here.  So I walk up to one of the teachers and ask her (full of southern charm and grace,  BTW) wtf was going on. And she looks at me and says–oh, he’s not with this group.

To which I responded– “well, that’s awesome.”  Could I have been more pleasant?  Undoubtedly.  But I think the thing to notice here is that I could have been MUCH WORSE.  MUCH. WORSE.

Teacher:  “you’re supposed to meet in his room, not here.” *eyeroll*


More important:  I DIDN’T STAB HER.

So I grabbed Benji (hyperstimulated, stimmy overwhelmed Benji), make a face at my husband, and haul off to Room 3.  Where we are greeted with big smiles and friendly faces, and not a sing-song or rock-n-roll photographer in the house.

Turns out it’s a full day for him with lunch and everything–and he doesn’t even have his lunch and backpack with him.

Now, of course, Benji is like–GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA THIS PLACE–which in Benjispeak™ is usually something like “ALL DONE!” or “WE HAVE TO LEAVE” (yay language, amiright?) so he’s freakin out, I’m freakin out, people are coming at us with all sorts of “hey let me help” and my Old Man (Goddess BLESS him) suggests in a smiling way that maybe everyone needs to back up for a minute.  With the exception of one aid (who just REALLY wanted to help) everyone in the room was familiar with what needed to happen and stepped back.

Have I mentioned yet that I was crying?  Crying. Not unusual for a parent on the first day of kinder, to be sure.  But I believe I have established that I am not a pretty cryer.  In fact, think of the prettiest cryer you’ve seen–I would be the EXACT OPPOSITE.

So, I step outside and allow myself 1 minute of fucked up crying.  (because my face is already blotchy–why not go for it?)

When I come back in I am breathing like a human being again, Benji is sitting at a table with his dad–not fully participating–but you know at this point it’s coming.  I go put some $$ on his lunch account since he has to eat lunch there today and come back to Benji still not participating 100%, but warming up.

I introduce myself to the aides, (I’ve already met the teacher before today) and one of them asks me what happened.  After the story is told, she just looks at me  with gentle eyes and says “I AM SO SORRY”–with the sincerity of a nun, this lady.  No–a NICE one.  Cue more tears.  I pull it together again and we give hugs to Benji, who is already starting to ignore us.  The sister Mary AmazingAide shows us where the pick-up gate is and apologizes again on behalf of the entire school.


We thanked her and left quietly.

So now, here I am, knee deep in a pint of ice cream and jammie pants with nothing to do for the next few hours until it’s time for pick up.  that SHOULD just give me enough time to pull my shit together.  But I’m not making any promises.

Categories: Uncategorized | 21 Comments

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21 thoughts on “OFFS

  1. ShesAlwaysWrite

    So sorry this happened to you – that sounds incredibly stressful! I would be freaking out if I got a flyer saying we had to take Bear to an auditorium situation. (He just overstimmed from me interviewing a babysitter – voices talking are not. his. thing.)

    I’m terrified of him starting kindergarten next year and starting over getting him comfortable and functional in a new space with new people. Feeling insanely lucky this week’s special needs pre-k orientation is in a classroom he knows with the same teacher he loves.

  2. Jenn

    My GOD i feel the tension and frustration FOR you!! What a mess but I’m SO glad it turned out well in the end and you could leave him feeling a little more relieved. I feel for you, momma.

  3. Whoa! Not the way you imagined the first day of kindergarten, I’m sure. I’m glad that Benji was able to stay despite the rough start.
    Oh, and congratulations on not stabbing the eyeroller. She is SO not worth the jail time.

  4. No words. Just ((hugs)).

  5. You so deserve that pint of ice cream girl! How the fuck did you not stab her? I would have ripped her heart out of her chest OMFG. (((HUGGLES)))

  6. Mom

    Oh, my. Hope you can feel your mommy hugging you.

  7. OMG. 😦

    I love you, I love you, I love you…..

  8. confessionsfromhh6

    Oh FFS about sums it up. Welcome to the goat rope that is school.

  9. Ben's Dad

    If I had seen the eyeroll, that teacher would have regretted that eyeroll.

  10. I’d have ripped her steaming heart from her chest with my bear hands. Although that could be considered excessive. Horray for the superexcellentawesome aide though!

  11. I started crying just reading this post. I know I’m PMS-ing, but I really felt your pain. So sorry it had to be that way. And the eyeroller is a total bitch. Thank goodness for Sweet and Validating teacher’s aide!

  12. extremeparenthood

    You know if it makes you feel any better at all this exact same thing happened to me on Sam’s first day of kindergarten.

    It still pisses me off.

  13. Ugh, first day of school with my boy is always a horror show- I can’t even imagine with that beginning and confusion!!! The school year can only get better from here (let’s hope!!). Lots of hugs coming your way!

  14. Oh I am so sorry. First day is hard enough for our kiddos and us, but the eyeroll and the unhelpfulness…oh God. I think we’d all be ugly crying too.
    Raising a pint of ice cream with you. The aide is shining star and you know she’ll take care of you both from now on.

  15. Damn schools and their lack of communication! So sorry that the first day was that traumatic. It at least sounds like he will have some really nice teachers in his room, so crossing fingers that it’s a really good school year. Hugs friend!

  16. WTF with the eyeroll? She’s damn lucky you didn’t slap her silly. But, can I say how much I already love “sister Mary AmazingAide?” Because I totally want to hear more stories about her!

  17. Wowzers. That is so traumatic. If it makes you feel any better, I would have done a lot of ugly crying too. I’m so sorry it went down that way. 😦

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